Because you are worth it

30-05-17
Money Wealth success business Pink Floyd Ikigai Why happiness joy

Are you ready to thrive and be wealthy? Are you worth it?

Buying a Football club (American or Soccer) is not a great start by the way. They are of course, a quick way to make a small fortune, so long as you start with a huge fortune. The next line in the Pink Floyd classic is, ‘Money, so they say / is the root of all evil today'. I hear this misquote about money a lot. Firstly, it is not true (money has no feelings), and secondly, it is a miss quotation; the quotation is from the Bible, 1 Timothy 6:10 and says,

"For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."

The key words being ‘love of money'. Many clients I see think about money every day, and it causes anxiety and keeps them awake at night. I used to worry about money (or lack of it) and worry about how I could get more. I would work harder and look more desperately for the ultimate source of cash. The desperation is palpable and puts off potential clients very quickly. People who are living for the next invoice - the desperation for the deal is so clear - so close, and yet it always seems to not quite happen. Time for some clarity; there are two simple questions I like to ask my clients:

  • Do you want more money?
  • Are you ready?

For nearly everyone I coach, the answer is yes; yet for many people they still have an inherent fear of money - let me explain further and show you the problem they face every day. You see, a great coach can lead their client on this subject, with empathy, sensitivity and patience, while always adapting to changing times and difficult circumstances.

For many people, just asking for money, for payment or asking for what they are worth, is tough. The public perception is that most people want to have money and be rich. I have come across people for whom it is the exact opposite. In either case, I usually start with clients by getting them to think money is not real but just a piece of printed paper, cotton and plastic. The critical thing to get on board is that money has no feelings, and it doesn't have any value. We give it value with our thoughts and actions. It is what we do every time you invest in something or indeed when we lose it - we ascribe feelings to this process.  It used to be stones, shells and has sometimes been cigarettes and, arguably, sex.

Most of the people's beliefs about money were not chosen consciously; they are a product of their environment or experiences in their formative years. But the positive news is that you can decide for yourself what you believe now – so choose something that serves you. I work with many coaches to deal with their unconscious fears and have a better relationship with money. It all starts by creating a real future based on your passion. I have written a lot about finding your ikigai (that which gets you up in the morning) and the importance of the health of the individual. You will need to ask better questions and come up with your own language for what is important.

I try to coach clients to face up to these issues directly. So, when they describe their symptoms, I invite them to ask why, in the following way -

  • Tell me more about what you wake up in the night and fear?
  • Tell more about just how like is this to happen?
  • In what time frame are you seeing and visualising this scenario?
  • Consider ways in which you can protect yourself - what can you do to minimise risk?
  • Most importantly - what action can you take right now that will improve your chances of being a survivor?

I then invite them to imagine themselves as thriving (rather than surviving)-

  • What would life be like if you were thriving right now?

The physiological effects of fear in asking for money creates lots of emotional disruption and anxiety. It puts you into a negative state and causes stress with all it associated problems. You may create a range of excuses for your feelings - and will worker harder (not smarter). You will also look for reasons - the economy, the climate, other people (from your parents to your partner). Indeed, it is everyone's fault except your own. You have been finding life a struggle and experience difficulties getting by. Remember my number one quotation to clients:

‘It is not the conditions that determine your destiny; it is your decisions.'

There is also the powerful fear of not having enough money. I know, having experience times of low income, the fear that can be associated with these times. In its physiological appearance, stress and calmness are not often recognised. It is the beginning of a cycle of depression and mood swings. By adopting a more positive attitude and mind-set has very powerful consequences.

If asking for money in exchange for your products or services sends you into a panic, what may help is to do things in small steps. You may offer your stuff for free for a period, and then gradually work your way into accepting some payment. Money is an emotional subject for so many people, yet they don't like talking about money.

Working on beliefs about money is crucial for the clients I work with; to do this, I get them to examine their beliefs that they have about money. They may begin to realise that they have been holding on to a collection of myths. The myths do not serve them particularly well and holding on to them limits their capacity to reach their highest potential. I work with them at rewriting their money story and backing it up with more empowering beliefs. It is easy in our consumerist society to want to keep up with the others, instead of living within your means.  Consider carefully when you buy something, its real purpose.  Is it to be a member of an exclusive club (keeping up with the Joneses) or is it of intrinsic value.

Let's be clear - there is no guaranteed way to become rich. But there are things you can do to increase your chances of accumulating wealth. These things aren't all sexy, ride-around-in-a-convertible fun. There is no instant dopamine reward (modulated by glutamate) fix. One of the ways of adjusting our mind-set is to live a more frugal life. Here there some great examples among the very richest in society. Whether it is the uber rich Warren Buffett, who has lived in the same five-bedroom house since 1958, or the founder of Ikea takes the bus.

Most of the people believe that the successful future means living according to the formula - go to school, learn well, get an education, get a job, invest wisely, be lucky, but it is the understanding of learning and memory modulated by neurotransmitters. The rich person knows that education does not guarantee success. Unfortunately, the result is often disappointing. In addition to good education, it's necessary to learn to think by yourself rather than live a life by what you are told. 

The biggest change you can make is by changing your self. You attitude to money and by finding your ikigai.

The truth is that you can be cash poor and amazing, happy and successful. Your viewpoint on life needs to change, by changing the reward chemicals within your brain.



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About the author

Tim Dingle

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Tim Dingle BSc (Hons), PGCE, MBA, has been involved in education, management, comedy, research, the Law and training for the last 30 years. Tim is a former Headmaster of a top school and gained an MBA with a distinction (his dissertation was on body language and Interview skills).

 He has a unique insight into teaching, leadership, comedy and management and has now written 26 books on a variety of topics including motivation, leadership, education, training, communication, interview success and business. 

His background in management also includes being the Chairman on England Schools Rugby and an active member of the RFU and MCC. His academic pedigree (in Biology, Teaching and Business) combined with his Mediation skills, gained him a place on the Board of the Global Negotiation Insight Institute (which used to be the Harvard Negotiation project). He has lectured all around the world with keynote speeches at many national and international events. His facilitation skills are in constant use for difficult and complex problems. His training company works across a variety of sectors and is making a massive impact, dedicated to making everyone feel empowered, successful and having fun. He writes jokes as well as running a comedy club and training school in London.

Comments

Graham Wilson
as usual love it, good science and sense and care, its often amazing how parents attitudes to money stay with us for many years and shape our attitudes, yet often these are not questioned and re evaluated in a changing world. thanks
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